I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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