my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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