The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize