God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize