I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We are all done wearing pants today
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
