Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
