Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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