Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
