Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
