They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
