Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
