He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
