She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
