im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
