You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
