Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
