this beer tastes like vomit already
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
