How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
