My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
