I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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