I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
