so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
