honey bunches of taint.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dick very happy bro
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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