He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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