A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
