I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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