Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
