I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
