You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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