your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
