it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
