so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
