haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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