Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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