well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
