im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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