I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
