Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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