One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
