I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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