uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
