Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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