dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
