Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
