So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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