Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
