Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
