i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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