it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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