wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
