OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
