so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
