cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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