It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
