I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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