Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize