Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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