I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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