the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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