if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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