Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
