Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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