Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
