My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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